Is there a permanent rupture in the relationship between black men and women? I would venture to say no, if they are willing to transform their thinking and behavior.
The evaluation of these relationships can only be determined by the damage that has been done to both sexes, their reaction to the traumas, and the recoveries that must occur through individual and collective understanding of self, and each other through a historical perspective of who they "really are". From this, can come healing, understanding, and rediscovery that will forever remove the fissure between them, and restore their "original love" for each other, and family.
Unenlightened and historically self-uneducated black men seem to be at odds with most black women, and label them angry, controlling, promiscuous, demanding and disrespectful.
Whereas, unenlightened and historically self-uneducated black women seem to evaluate most black men as being immature, undependable, chronic cheaters, disrespectful, in need of guidance, and self-centered.
There is a rupture between them that needs to be explored beyond what is obviously keeping them separated mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They don't seem to have any problems connecting physically, but that is usually temporary and fleeting because of their enjoyment of "black love" that they cannot deny, neither want to discard.
Black women had been psychologically, physically, and emotionally abused during slavery, and the psychosis of that experience has carried over to present day, with labels placed upon them such as; whorish, promiscuous, over-sexed, and called "baby mamas" due to some of their unwed mother status (in the 1940s and 50s most black families had fathers in the home).
What is not appreciated by unenlightened and historically self-uneducated black men, is the sheer fact that black women survived in spite of all they have been through, throughout centuries of abuse, and still carry the burden of "resentment" from their own men who seem to despise the strengths of character such as; haughtiness, rebelliousness, defensiveness, and quick to protect child and man from the onslaught of viciousness faced as Whites sought to harm, or destroy THEM, and those they held and hold dear. Those honed attributes shielded, and enabled them to survive under treacherous and insane situations and circumstances.
Those survival tools, although thought to be unneeded today, are still evident in most black women because of the inconsistent cruel nature of "white supremacy" that is always lurking with the "divide, destroy and conquer" technique that has been successful in keeping the unenlightened and historically self-unaware black men and women in a cycle of confusion and estrangement.
"Awakened" black women refuse to give up on their men, and hold on to the notion that they will "wake up" and again see her as their strength, and support. Black women knew what it was like when they fought together with their black men, and they have a notion that it can be that way again.
Black men had also been psychologically, physically, and emotionally abused during slavery, and the psychosis of that experience has carried over to present day, with labels placed upon them such as; lazy (although many were worked to death during slavery), criminals, threatening, uncontrollable, uneducated, deserting their women and children, and the list goes on...
Black men had acquired survival tools of their own. Seeing their family members sold away from them, and being sold away themselves from their family members, being used as breeders and being banned from connection to their children, encouraged the behaviors seen today in their desertion of their children without a sense of duty, or concern. They had to use their wits to survive. They played whatever role expected by those in power, since they were powerless. They also withheld their emotions from their women because of their transitory status. They could not be bogged down in really caring for anyone, because they never knew when they, or the people they cared for would be stripped away. They became unfeeling to protect their humanity that has not bode them well present day.
Is it surprising that the position black men were placed in during slavery, has carried over until today? It is miraculous that black men had survived at all. Then to rearrange their mindset in the early part of the 20th century, to become more family-oriented is a phenomenal victory. They successfully took their place in the home, and in most cases regarded their spouses as equal partners in decision making.
What changed, that caused a change in black men since that time?
While they sought to escape the wrath of white supremacy by copying the white way of living, they were rewarded with disdain and disrespect from the majority population. They worked hard, took care of their families, resided in, and shored up their segregated communities, and in some cases fought back violently to protect their communities (True life Movie: "Deacons For Defense") and started to flourish in every way.
The envy of whites soon became apparent, as they came into black communities to intimidate, lynch, beat, and destroy black men and women, and what they had built (see "Black Wall Street " videos in the Black History page of this site).
One can understand the sense of defenselessness, hopelessness, and not being in a position to protect their families that has clouded the view of life within black men, but the saving grace for them and black women, after all of the destruction that has taken place within this diaspora, is within the knowledge that is available to reengage, revitalize, regenerate, revive, restore, and resuscitate (the 6 Rs) them back "into their true selves", The ORIGINAL MAN AND WOMAN".
The answer to the original question at the beginning of this missive is; there is a healing balm for the rupture in the relationship between black women and black men. That healing can only take place when they awaken by educating themselves to who they really are. There are educational and historical materials available to restore the true nature of both. Once that is accomplished, understanding becomes clear, wisdom can dominate the communication, thus restoring the trust, love and appreciation for each other, and removing the psychosis that divided them.
The study of whom they were before slavery, that extends hundreds of thousands of years before Whites entered the picture, is the road map to recovery. Having no consciousness of self has inoculated them from self-love, and the ability to love each other. To reclaim that connectivity, they MUST relearn it, teach it to their children, relatives and friends, and practice it on a daily basis. It took centuries to destroy it, so now is the time to restore it no matter how long it takes. If they do not, they are doomed for extinction. A people without knowledge of self, tools for protection of like kind, nation building, and still depending on its enemy for survival, cannot endure.
A Few Self-Educational Resources:
"Hidden Colors"- DVDs parts 1-4, Directed by Tariq Nasheed - Amazon.com
"We Are Different"- Dr. Llaila Africa - Youtube
"Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome" - Dr. Joy DeGruy
(on this site)
"The Conspiracy To Destroy Black Women" - book by Michael Porter
"All books featured in the Bibliography on the Home Page of this site"